Exploring one's sexuality is a lifelong journey that evolves from adolescence into adulthood. Many of us discover specific desires or dynamics we wish to explore further. For women interested in a more dominant role in their sexual and romantic life, becoming a dominatrix may feel like a calling.
The dominatrix role isn’t suited for everyone, but it can be deeply fulfilling for women exploring a specific dynamic, both in and out of the bedroom. Unlike professional dominatrixes, this often focuses on personal relationships.
Understanding Dominance and Submission
Understanding what a dominatrix entails involves exploring the dominance/submission dynamic, which extends beyond the bedroom into other aspects of a relationship. In this dynamic, one partner assumes a dominant role while the other takes on a submissive role. This can involve consensual sexual activities where one partner directs the other's actions. Additionally, outside the bedroom, it may include the dominant partner dictating aspects of the submissive partner's life, such as chores, attire, behavior, and speech in public settings.
Now, this may sound like an unfair dynamic to the submissive partner. But, keep in mind that the greatest pillar of this type of relationship is consent, followed closely by mutual respect. There are plenty of people out there who enjoy life with a dominant partner, acting as the submissive one, as it can provide more closeness and connection, and even heal past traumas. Acting out these roles can be done intermittently or consistently, and open-minded individuals recognize that when consensual, this can be quite a normal, and even extremely healthy relationship dynamic.
What is a Dominatrix?
Now, a dominatrix refers to a female partner who takes on the dominant role and has one or more partners who take on a submissive role. It’s common for dominatrixes to exist in poly relationships, but that’s definitely not always the case. At the very basic level, a dominatrix is the dominant party in BSDM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) activities, which are of a sexual nature. This can mean that the dominatrix ties up the submissive partner, uses impact toys, or uses language meant to invoke vulnerable emotions in their partner, all while doing so in a safe and consensual space.
How to Be a Dominatrix
It's true that becoming a dominatrix doesn't require formal education or certification. You can simply choose this role in your relationships, whether they're casual or intimate. However, understanding what being a dominatrix involves is crucial for effectively embodying this role and attracting compatible partners. This understanding helps you articulate your desires and establish boundaries within the dominatrix-submissive dynamic.
Dynamics in BDSM
Again, BSDM dynamics involve exploring dominant and submissive roles, and a dominatrix is a person who always maintains the dominant role. This means that a dominatrix exclusively seeks out partners who want to take on the submissive role.
BDSM encompasses a wide range of sexual activities, as mentioned earlier. While it includes basic principles like those in the acronym and emphasizes safety and consent (which we'll cover in the next section), BDSM is diverse in its expression within partnerships. In other words, there are no strict rules dictating specific activities like impact play as necessary for engagement.
Consent and Safety
Safety and Consent are paramount in any BDSM dynamic. Consent involves both partners enthusiastically agreeing to engage in activities together and consistently checking in on each other's comfort levels. Safe words are crucial; they allow partners to signal when they want an activity to stop immediately due to discomfort or emotional unease.
Safety is equally vital. BDSM activities like bondage, gagging, or using impact toys such as whips and paddles can potentially cause injury if not practiced carefully. Always ensure your partner isn't in pain and isn't at risk of harm during these activities.
Developing Dominatrix Skills
There are some aspects of being a dominatrix that might take some individuals time to develop. Aside from practical skills, such as the ability to tie up your submissive partner, or certain sexual techniques that you want to master, there are other key components that you’ll want to experiment with and practice.
Confidence and Assertiveness
Being a dominatrix requires a level of confidence and assertiveness that allows you to slip into the role easily. And, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be a dominatrix if you’re a shy person elsewhere in life. In fact, many women choose to be a dominatrix exactly for that reason - to exercise assertiveness and authority in a place that’s safe, like a consensual and respectful relationship.
So, how can you develop these skills if they don’t come naturally to you? Well, our advice is to start slow. Try requesting something in the bedroom from your partner, using a tone that’s more assertive than usual. At the same time, don’t be afraid to really go for it, knowing that you’re with someone safe, to whom you can freely express yourself in this form of roleplay.
Communication and Boundaries
As is the case in any sexual dynamic, communication and boundaries are pivotal. Communication must be maintained so that both partners are heard and having their needs met. Ask your partner what they like and don’t like ahead of time, and do a recap session after, to find out what worked and what didn’t for both of you. Communication is also pivotal outside of the bedroom, to maintain closeness that fosters a more connected sexual experience.
Boundaries are fundamental in BDSM and must be strictly honored. Each individual has unique limits; for instance, someone might refuse to be gagged, while in verbal play, specific insults or discussions about insecurities could be deemed off-limits.
Setting the Scene
Sometimes, it can help to “set the stage”, so-to-speak, before engaging in BDSM. This can mean changing the lighting in the room or putting on music, to signal a change in atmosphere that helps you and your partner get into the roles more easily. It can also mean getting out props so that they’re ready to go as needed. Let’s elaborate on both of these concepts.
Creating Atmosphere
Setting the right atmosphere can add to the sensual aspect of any romantic encounter, as lighting, sound, and even scents can trigger feelings of desire. In a BDSM context, it can mean setting the stage to create a whole story, to enhance roleplay. Don’t be afraid to use costumes, either, which can help create a visual reference for the dominatrix/submissive partner dynamic.
Props and Equipment
Props and equipment are standard in BDSM, including ropes, whips, paddles, masks, gags, and more. Keep these props nearby to avoid interrupting the session every time you introduce something new.
Dominatrix Techniques
There are several dominatrix techniques commonly used in BDSM circles. We'll explore some to enhance your role as a dominatrix.
Vertical Domination
Vertical domination involves the dominatrix speaking down to the submissive partner with a confident and condescending tone to maximize their vulnerability. It's essential to always respect boundaries, as certain words and topics may be off-limits according to your partner's preferences.
Commands and Roleplaying
Being a dominatrix requires taking on a role, and also using commands as your main source of communication. Decide ahead of time what commands you want to give your partner, so that you feel more comfortable when the time comes to give them. Commands can involve sexual favors, or telling your partner what position you want them in.
Physical Domination
Physical domination refers to the use of physical techniques to dominate the partner - such as restraining them or using impact toys.
Bondage Techniques
Bondage is the act of restraining the submissive partner to inhibit their movement. You can also use masks and gags to inhibit them further, if you want to. There are different ways to restrain a partner, ranging from the use of handcuffs to the use of ropes.
Restraints and Safety
Keep in mind that when engaging in restraint, safety, again, must come first. For instance, if you’re using a rope, make sure not to tie the knots so tightly that circulation is inhibited, or that they can be injured due to being restrained in an awkward position.
Aftercare and Communication
After engaging in BDSM, it’s crucial not to overlook aftercare. BDSM explores aspects of relationships rarely explored elsewhere, such as vulnerability, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy. This can naturally bring up raw emotions and provoke discussions about relationship dynamics beyond the bedroom.
It’s critical to care for your partner following a BDSM session, especially if you’re in the role of dominatrix.
Emotional Support
Emotional support is crucial for the well-being of the submissive partner in BDSM dynamics. It helps them feel safe, loved, respected, and appreciated for the role they've played. Employing physical touch and loving communication can effectively conclude a BDSM session, ensuring mutual feelings of safety and respect are upheld.
Feedback and Reflection
Feedback is important following a session, as it allows both partners to reflect on what they liked, and what they might want to skip next time. This is also a good time to talk about something you may want to try together in the future.
Exploring Your Dominatrix Identity
Finding your identity as a dominatrix isn’t just for your partner - it’s for you, too. Establishing who you are when you’re in the dominatrix role can build your confidence, in a way that can extend to other areas of your life.
Personal Style
Finding your personal style can be fun, allowing you to explore ways to express yourself through clothes, makeup, and hair. Finding the right outfits to wear when engaging in BDSM can also make you feel more sexually desirable, and even add to your feeling of confidence.
Self-Care and Boundaries
Coming up with your own boundaries is pivotal, as boundaries aren’t just for the submissive partner. Naturally, you’ll want to discuss these boundaries with them before engaging. Self-care is also an important part of BDSM, allowing you to get in touch with yourself and explore anything that may have come up during prior activities.
Being a Dominatrix Has a Lot to Offer for You and Your Partner!
If you’ve ever wondered how to become a dominatrix, know that the actual transformation doesn’t always happen overnight. It’s all about experimenting, and even being open-minded with a partner who you trust. But, with the right props, and some simple tips, you can get into character more easily, to start exploring this side of yourself with confidence.